Just one month into my internship at Bal Bharti Public School, I have had developed a strong indifference towards children that I almost consider the sterilization policy during emergency as the best one we had. It is because of the following type of children that my perspective towards children changed.
1. The speherical kid
I enter class three and anmounce that it is arrangement. This kid does not conceal his excitement and goes 'Balle balle.' And as teachers, we are encouraged to surpress basic human instincts, so I decide to turn him out of the class. But he refuses my command. So I started pushing him out. But this kid is an 'all rounder.' He is the perfect example of a sphere. So I struggle to push him outside the class, much to the amusement of the third graders. I need to work out.
2. The Diva
We all have seen teenagers with their out of place and overdone 'whatever's but this girl in class four could beat all of them. She did not use any urban slang or accent. She spoke nothing. Everyone had followed my instruction and took some work out, but this girl resisted my instruction. I tried taking to her. But she just listened, without an expression on her face. I swear even the 'tota' (the hottest babe) never gave me that look. She was like 'Who are you? Why are you talking to me. Go away.'
I felt like bewaring boys about this heartbreaker in their class.
3. The well wisher
'Good morning, Sir' this girl from class eight wished me in the corridoor. . It was nice. I replied with a smile. And them within a minute, she wished me a good morning thrice. . Everytime I pass through her way or she passes mine, she wished me good morning. . One morning I was waiting at the library. She saw me from outside and yelled 'Good morning. Sir.' Finally I had to stop and ask her if the only purpose of her coming to school was to wish me good morning. They can make the next Conjuring movie on this girl. Imagine a girl popping out from anywhere and haunting you with those three words: Good morning, Sir.
4. The Pervert
He was short and tiny, hoarse voice, irksome laughter and a face only a mother could love (provided she has no other kids or pets.) But he had the guts to ask me to explain him that dream chapter for young boys who recently realised the presence of an organ in between their legs: reproduction in animals . I asked this eight grader if he remwmbered what he had learned about this process from class seven: reproduction in plants. He said he did not remember anything from the previous classes. And so I explained him the process of reproduction in as vague terms as possible. (just the way we were taught.) But actually I wanted to say 'Reproduction is a process through which organisms give birth to their young ones, and also it is a process ugly snobs like you are incapable of.'
5. The back talker
A round of applause for me. I kept shooting at this eight grader to come out and stand at the front, and I raised my voice and anger to a level that he obliged. Sweet victory. Momma will be proud. I sealed my victory with 'Are you moving yourself or shall I take you out physically?'
He got up at this, but murrurring 'Sir, physically? Can you also get me up chemically.?'
'I would spray pepper on your ass and when that reacts with your ass, and you bounce up from your seat, that would be a good chemical equation. ' I could never execute this comeback.
6. The 'You know who my mom is?'
It happens everywhere. The children of staff can be recognised from a distance. They fear no one. They are never on their seats. They are fighting. They are jumping. They are Monglis except that Monglis at least followed the rules of the Jungle. It is an irony that their mom is perhaps in the adjacent class commanding kids to be disciplined.
7. The athletes
They play sports and they are so much into it that they make a game out of everything. I saw this boy running from behind and sliding under the table. He did it so well that I was about to congratulate him when I realised that we were in a classroom and he could have banged his head doing that stunt. Imagine him going to his mom saying, 'Hey, mom. Look Sir gave me a gold medal for sliding under the table. Also Mom, could you please fix my bleeding head?'
And the parents these days are di competitive about their kids that she would have said, 'Yes, son, we will go to the hospital but let's take a selfie first and find a spot to showcase the medal.'
8. The complaint box
You should think that they breed in primary classes only but much like micro organisms and Arijit Singh songs , they are everywhere. 'Look at him. He is not studying.' 'Look at her. She is beating me.' 'Look at Ram Leela. They are making out.' All these complaints and many more come simultaneously, so as a teacher you ignore a few and find quick solutions for others.
A quick study on how I resolve problems.
Not studying. Ignored. That's the tuition teacher's headache, not the school's.
The beatibg girl. Ignored, if the aggressor is weak than the defender. Warning, if the aggressor is strong. And play a spectator, if they are equally matched, mentally picking up and cheering for one.
Ram Leela. Ignored. Privacy respected. Quick advice, find an empty room in the school and use protection. We don't need any more children in the world than we already have.
9. The Panchayati girls
A girl from a backward bench, fighting against the majority of the class, broke out, when the Panchayat (consisting of three girls, who for half an hour, listened to the two girls with their issue 'who will sit with whom.'.) But much like any other government, this panchayat was less concerned about the problem and made fun of the sufferers at their back. When I played the police, I was told to back of as they could resolve it themselves. You know what they say, children are future leaders and classrooms are their training centres.
10. The loudspeakers
I am someone with a feeble voice. My vocal cords much like my luck, cause me pain, when I try too hard. But there are children in each class with much louder voices, and the problem with super powers is when you don't know how to use them for good purpose. So these loudspeakers would scream at the top of their voice (without trying too hard) just to address the student sitting beside then. And I am wondering why God hates me so much.
...
Thank you for reading. I would love to know which type of kid you were and you are familiar with.
1. The speherical kid
I enter class three and anmounce that it is arrangement. This kid does not conceal his excitement and goes 'Balle balle.' And as teachers, we are encouraged to surpress basic human instincts, so I decide to turn him out of the class. But he refuses my command. So I started pushing him out. But this kid is an 'all rounder.' He is the perfect example of a sphere. So I struggle to push him outside the class, much to the amusement of the third graders. I need to work out.
2. The Diva
We all have seen teenagers with their out of place and overdone 'whatever's but this girl in class four could beat all of them. She did not use any urban slang or accent. She spoke nothing. Everyone had followed my instruction and took some work out, but this girl resisted my instruction. I tried taking to her. But she just listened, without an expression on her face. I swear even the 'tota' (the hottest babe) never gave me that look. She was like 'Who are you? Why are you talking to me. Go away.'
I felt like bewaring boys about this heartbreaker in their class.
3. The well wisher
'Good morning, Sir' this girl from class eight wished me in the corridoor. . It was nice. I replied with a smile. And them within a minute, she wished me a good morning thrice. . Everytime I pass through her way or she passes mine, she wished me good morning. . One morning I was waiting at the library. She saw me from outside and yelled 'Good morning. Sir.' Finally I had to stop and ask her if the only purpose of her coming to school was to wish me good morning. They can make the next Conjuring movie on this girl. Imagine a girl popping out from anywhere and haunting you with those three words: Good morning, Sir.
4. The Pervert
He was short and tiny, hoarse voice, irksome laughter and a face only a mother could love (provided she has no other kids or pets.) But he had the guts to ask me to explain him that dream chapter for young boys who recently realised the presence of an organ in between their legs: reproduction in animals . I asked this eight grader if he remwmbered what he had learned about this process from class seven: reproduction in plants. He said he did not remember anything from the previous classes. And so I explained him the process of reproduction in as vague terms as possible. (just the way we were taught.) But actually I wanted to say 'Reproduction is a process through which organisms give birth to their young ones, and also it is a process ugly snobs like you are incapable of.'
5. The back talker
A round of applause for me. I kept shooting at this eight grader to come out and stand at the front, and I raised my voice and anger to a level that he obliged. Sweet victory. Momma will be proud. I sealed my victory with 'Are you moving yourself or shall I take you out physically?'
He got up at this, but murrurring 'Sir, physically? Can you also get me up chemically.?'
'I would spray pepper on your ass and when that reacts with your ass, and you bounce up from your seat, that would be a good chemical equation. ' I could never execute this comeback.
6. The 'You know who my mom is?'
It happens everywhere. The children of staff can be recognised from a distance. They fear no one. They are never on their seats. They are fighting. They are jumping. They are Monglis except that Monglis at least followed the rules of the Jungle. It is an irony that their mom is perhaps in the adjacent class commanding kids to be disciplined.
7. The athletes
They play sports and they are so much into it that they make a game out of everything. I saw this boy running from behind and sliding under the table. He did it so well that I was about to congratulate him when I realised that we were in a classroom and he could have banged his head doing that stunt. Imagine him going to his mom saying, 'Hey, mom. Look Sir gave me a gold medal for sliding under the table. Also Mom, could you please fix my bleeding head?'
And the parents these days are di competitive about their kids that she would have said, 'Yes, son, we will go to the hospital but let's take a selfie first and find a spot to showcase the medal.'
8. The complaint box
You should think that they breed in primary classes only but much like micro organisms and Arijit Singh songs , they are everywhere. 'Look at him. He is not studying.' 'Look at her. She is beating me.' 'Look at Ram Leela. They are making out.' All these complaints and many more come simultaneously, so as a teacher you ignore a few and find quick solutions for others.
A quick study on how I resolve problems.
Not studying. Ignored. That's the tuition teacher's headache, not the school's.
The beatibg girl. Ignored, if the aggressor is weak than the defender. Warning, if the aggressor is strong. And play a spectator, if they are equally matched, mentally picking up and cheering for one.
Ram Leela. Ignored. Privacy respected. Quick advice, find an empty room in the school and use protection. We don't need any more children in the world than we already have.
9. The Panchayati girls
A girl from a backward bench, fighting against the majority of the class, broke out, when the Panchayat (consisting of three girls, who for half an hour, listened to the two girls with their issue 'who will sit with whom.'.) But much like any other government, this panchayat was less concerned about the problem and made fun of the sufferers at their back. When I played the police, I was told to back of as they could resolve it themselves. You know what they say, children are future leaders and classrooms are their training centres.
10. The loudspeakers
I am someone with a feeble voice. My vocal cords much like my luck, cause me pain, when I try too hard. But there are children in each class with much louder voices, and the problem with super powers is when you don't know how to use them for good purpose. So these loudspeakers would scream at the top of their voice (without trying too hard) just to address the student sitting beside then. And I am wondering why God hates me so much.
...
Thank you for reading. I would love to know which type of kid you were and you are familiar with.
